Vanochtend was ik al vroeg wakker en dat kwam omdat ik heel onrustig geslapen heb. Op mijn werk was het druk, ik was ook erg moe, dus daar lag het niet aan. Het ligt aan Ruud, ik moet de hele tijd aan hem denken, vooral over afgelopen donderdag.
Ik was al vrij vroeg bij hem, zo rond een uur of acht. Ik was er helemaal klaar voor. Omdat het me leuk leek belde ik aan. Maar, op het moment dat hij de deur open maakte zag ik aan zijn gezicht dat het niet aansloeg. “Waarom kom je niet gewoon naar binnen, je hebt toch een sleutel?”
“Ja, dat klopt,” zei ik lachend, “ maar ik wilde je verrassen, ben je niet blij dat ik er ben?”
Ik keek hem aan en zag dat hij niet erg vrolijk was, ook niet erg blij. Hij liep ook meteen door naar de woonkamer. Dus ik achter hem aan, hij liep door naar de bank en plofte daar op neer. Even wist ik niet wat ik moest doen, maar ik trok mijn jas uit, hing hem over een stoel en ging tegenover hem zitten. Omdat ik me opgetut had en een leuk kort rokje had aangetrokken sloeg ik mijn benen over elkaar in de hoop dat hij een opmerking zou maken, maar dat deed hij niet. Hij had de tv aanstaan en die had zijn interesse, ik zag dat hij naar een of ander wazig programma zat te kijken en was niet blij. Ik dacht, misschien is er iets gebeurd, heeft hij het druk gehad, of zo. Maar, na een minuut of tien gewacht te hebben was er nog niets gebeurd. Dus vroeg ik: “ En, is er iets niet goed, of zo?”
Het duurde even voordat hij antwoord gaf. “Nou, eerlijk gezegd ben ik een beetje moe.”
Hij rekte zich uit en geeuwde luidruchtig. Teleurgesteld keek ik hem aan en net toen ik wilde vragen hoe dat kwam ging hij verder.
“Ik lag gisteravond laat in bed, heel laat, of beter gezegd, vroeg in de ochtend.”
“Oh,” zei ik, me intussen afvragend of er nog wat ging gebeuren. “Heb je lang moeten werken, of zo?”
“Nee, ik had een feestje en dat is nogal uitgelopen.”
“Was het gezellig? ” vroeg ik.
“Ja, heel gezellig, en als ik heel eerlijk ben, ben ik nu ook niet in stemming om met je naar bed te gaan. Ik weet dat we dat afgesproken hadden, maar”…hij lachte. “Er liep daar een lekker wijf dat nodig een beurt wilde hebben. Dus, je begrijpt dat ik me graag heb opgeofferd!
Kijk, misschien had je je erop verheugd, maar met jou kan ik wel weer een andere keer naar bed. Wij hebben geen vaste relatie en dat is het fijne. Ook geen verplichtingen. Vrijheid, blijheid.”
Ik knikte maar wat en voelde me rot. Hier had ik me op verheugd. Teleurgesteld bleef ik zo zitten niet goed wetend wat ik doen moest. Schijnbaar zag hij het aan mijn gezicht.
“Je bent toch niet boos, hoop ik?”
“Nee, boos niet, maar ik vind het wel jammer,” zei ik.
“Ik beloof je dat ik het volgende keer goed maak,”
Hij stond op en bleef even staan: “Ik kan je wel iets te drinken aan bieden, als je dat wilt?”
Ik schudde mijn hoofd. “Nee, dank je, ik ga naar huis, dan kan jij lekker uitrusten, dat heb je wel nodig.” Ik was nog net in staat te glimlachen!
Hoe het nu verder gaat weet ik niet, wel dat ik nu woensdag weer bij hem moet gaan werken.
Als ik slim ben ga ik niet meer met hem naar bed, Maar, ik ben gek op hem, dat is het hele punt. Daarom doet het ook zo’n pijn.
Het moest er natuurlijk eens van komen dat het niet meer ging zoals zij had gedacht. Hoe moet het nu verder? We wachten wel weer op het vervolg ??
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