Ik kan er niks aan doen, maar toen ik vanochtend naar Ruud moest om te gaan poetsen was ik erg zenuwachtig. Stiekem had ik gehoopt dat hij thuis zou zijn, of een briefje had achtergelaten. Maar, nee hoor, niks, helemaal niks. Alleen het geld had hij klaar gelegd.
Maar goed, ik ben begonnen met een kop koffie voor mezelf te zetten en daarna heb ik uitgebreid de krant gelezen en nagedacht over hoe het nu verder gaat. Ik heb geen idee, en het ergst is dat ik ook niks kan doen, zelfs al zou ik iets kunnen bedenken. Het enige dat ik kan is hopen en bidden.
Wel ben ik blij dat ik afgelopen zondag een beetje afleiding had. Het was al vrij laat toen een vrouw naar binnen kwam. Ze lachte vriendelijk en vroeg of ze nog naar de wc kon gaan.
Verbaasd knikte ik en zei: “Ja, natuurkijk, zolang de zaak open is kan u rustig gebruik van het toilet maken.” Ze lachte blij en liep door. Nadat ze klaar was en haar handen gewassen had liep ze naar me toe. “Ik zit met een probleem en nu vraag ik me af of u me daarbij helpen kan.”
Ik knikte en zei vriendelijk : “Ik zal mijn best doen.”
Ze deed een stap naar voren en keek naar de deur, toen ze zag dat er niemand naar binnen kwam, schoof ze een stoel dichterbij en zuchtte diep. “Het is namelijk zo, ik ben verliefd en niet zo’n beetje ook niet.”
“Oh,” regeerde ik, “dat is leuk.”
“Nou,” ging ze verder,”dat is helemaal niet leuk, ik ben er zelfs verdrietig van.” Ze snoof diep en pakte een tissue uit haar tas. Nadat ze uitgebreid haar neus had gesnoten ging ze verder.” Ik ben verliefd op mijn buurman, ik weet nog niet eens meer hoe het kwam. Maar op een dag zag ik hem door de tuin lopen en toen voelde ik kriebels in mijn buik. Zoals hij daar liep, stoer, leuk gekleed en vrolijk fluitend, geweldig.
Eerst dacht ik nog, stel je niet aan, dat gaat wel over, maar het gaat niet over. Integendeel het werd alsmaar erger.”
“Ja,” zei ik om maar iets te zeggen,” dat kan gebeuren, maar woont hij daar alleen, of…”
“Nee, hij is getrouwd en ik ook, dat maakt het juist zo moeilijk. In het begin liet ik het zo, maar na een poosje nagedacht te hebben wilde ik meer. Ik wachtte altijd tot ik hem naar buiten zag komen en dan liep ik ook naar buiten om een praatje te maken. Maar, dat schoot niet op, dus toen bedacht ik iets anders. Ik wachtte totdat ik zijn vrouw de deur uit zag gaan en dan liep ik met een smoesje naar hem toe. Suiker lenen of zo, u snapt het wel.”
Ik knikte en vroeg me af hoe het verder was gegaan.
“Nou,” ging ze verder, “maar dat schoot ook niet op omdat hij nooit vroeg of ik binnen wilde komen. Dus ben ik een keer, toen zijn vrouw weer weg was, naar hem toe gegaan en hem verteld dat ik verliefd op hem was.”
“Oh,” zei ik, “en hoe reageerde hij?”
“Hij nodigde me uit om binnen te komen en dat vond ik leuk, ik was blij en hoopte dat hij ook verliefd op mij was, maar…” Ze zuchtte weer, snoof diep en vertelde verder.
“Hij zei dat hij het leuk vond dat ik verliefd op hem was en een voorstel had. Als zijn vrouw ongesteld is, mag ik hem bevredigen. Hij stuurt me dan een berichtje en dan moet ik naar buiten komen. Hij staat dan in de schuur op me te wachten. Dat doet hij nog, en niet alleen als ze ongesteld is, maar ook zo.”
Ik dacht, veel gekker moet het niet meer worden, maar vroeg me wel af waarom ze zo verdrietig was.
“En daar bent u zo verdrietig van,” vroeg ik verbaasd én nieuwsgierig.
“Ja, omdat een andere buurman ons gezien heeft en nu wil hij dat ik hem ook in de schuur bevredig. Hij zei: “Als je het niet doet vertel ik aan alle mannen in de hele straat dat ze bij jou gratis gepijpt kunnen worden in de schuur.”
Ik zag het al voor me, file voor de ingang van de schuur!
Ze bleef me wanhopig en verdrietig aankijken. “Nu weet ik niet wat ik moet doen.”
Ik dacht bij mezelf, ik ben blij dat ik niet in jouw schoenen sta, maar dat hield ik voor me. Ik
keek haar aan en zei: “Ik weet zeker dat u hier wel een oplossing voor vindt. Strekte ermee!”
Succes was misschien beter geweest, maar dat heb ik maar niet gezegd!
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