Even nog over afgelopen zondag en Ruud!
Toen ik aankwam stond de voordeur op een kier, dus ik kon zo naar binnen lopen.
Ik trok mijn jas uit, hing hem over de keukenstoel en keek naar Ruud, Erg charmant zag hij niet uit zoals hij daar in zijn afgezakte joggingbroek stond. Hij zag dat ik keek, maar zei er niks over. Hij liep door naar de keuken en zei: “Ik zet ff koffie, ga maar binnen zitten,
want ik wil met je praten.”
Ik dacht, ja daar kom ik voor, maar zei niks, knikte enkel maar.
Ik liep naar de kamer en ging op de bank zitten. Automatisch keek ik rond en zag dat er overal troep lag, maar bleef gewoon zitten, ik dacht daar kom ik nu niet voor.
Even later kwam hij naar binnen met twee mokken koffie, zette ze neer schoof wat troep opzij en ging tegenover me zitten. “Zo,” zei hij nadat hij een slok koffie had gedronken, “daar knapt een mens van op, maar nu eerst over ons. Kijk, de vorige keer heb ik me misschien niet netjes gedragen, maar ik was even niet in stemming om met je naar bed te gaan. Ik merkte ook dat je teleurgesteld was. Hoewel je deed alsof je dat niet was. En daar wil ik over praten.”
Hij nam nog een slok koffie, verschoof een beetje en keek me aan. “Ik weet niet wat jij voelt en verwacht van mij, maar soms krijg ik de indruk dat je meer wilt dan alleen maar seks. Als dat zo is, moet je het zeggen.”
Even was ik uit het veld geslagen, wist ook niet wat ik zeggen moest, maar Ruud ging verder.
“Ik heb je al in het begin gezegd, ik vind het fijn om met je naar bed te gaan, maar meer zit er niet in. Vrijheid, blijheid, ik neuk je graag, maar ik neuk ook graag andere vrouwen. Voor jou ligt dat waarschijnlijk anders, is ook logisch want je bent getrouwd. Als je niet getrouwd was zou het anders zijn. Dan konden we ook eens samen op stap kunnen gaan. Ik ga regelmatig naar parenclubs, dat is leuk en erg afwisselend, maar daar kan ik jou niet mee naar toe nemen.”
Ik wist nog steeds niet wat ik zeggen moest, dat hij er zo openlijk voor uit kwam dat hij ook met andere vrouwen naar bed ging deed me pijn. Dat hij in de gaten had dat ik meer voor hem voel ook. “Nou,” zei ik om me groot te houden, “ ik ga graag met je naar bed, dat klopt, maar dat jij denkt dat ik meer wil is niet waar. Voor mij is de seks genoeg, meer wil ik echt niet. Misschien heb ik die indruk gegeven, maar het is wat jij zegt, ik ben getrouwd.”
“Dus, als ik het goed begrijp, heb je er geen problemen mee dat ik met andere vrouwen neuk?”
“Ik vind het niet leuk, maar ik kan het je niet verbieden. Als jij dat wilt zal ik dat moeten accepteren.” Ik hield me groot, maar inwendig kon ik wel janken.
Hij lachte en stond op. “Zal ik je een geheimpje vertellen?”
Vragend keek ik hem aan. “Ik vind jou een heerlijk wijf en neuk je heel graag, dus als je wilt?”
Anderhalf uur later was ik weer thuis!
Ik weet dat ik fout bezig ben, ook dat hij niets voor me voelt, maar toch blijf ik hopen dat het anders wordt. Dat hij op een dag verliefd op me wordt!? Dat zou fantastisch zijn,. Maar??
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