TWEE.

Pas geleden zag ik op tv iets dat mijn aandacht trok. Nu gebeurt dat wel vaker, maar dit was bijzonder. Ze lieten mensen aan het woord die twee partners hebben. Op zich is dat niet spectaculair, want dat hebben wel meer mensen. Ze hebben een vaste partner en een losse. Die losse hebben ze erbij, meestal omdat ze het gewoon leuk en spannend  vinden. Maar…op het moment dat de vaste partner dat ontdekt is het ineens over. Dan hoeft het niet meer.

Maar, in dit geval is het anders. Samen wonen met twee mannen of twee vrouwen en dan bedoel ik het letterlijk, onder een dak.

Ik begin met de mannen, eerst moet je er  twee vinden die dat ook willen. Ze moeten alle twee ongeveer even oud zijn, niet superknap, maar gewoon. Dit vanwege de concurrentie.

Verder moeten ze een goedbetaalde baan hebben en ongeveer hetzelfde salaris. Die banen moeten wel variëren. Bijvoorbeeld, de een is elektricien en de ander schilder. Dat is gemakkelijk voor jou, voor als er wat gedaan moet worden in huis. Ze moeten elkaar ook aardig vinden, maar niet te aardig, want dan loop je het risico dat ze gaan samenspannen en dat mag niet. Ze moeten jou op handen dragen, alles voor  je over hebben en alles voor je doen. Zelf moet je ervoor zorgen dat je er altijd tiptop uitziet, want dat is belangrijk. Leuke kleding dragen ook. Dat kan ook makkelijk want er komen twee salarissen binnen, dus zeg je je baan op en zorgt voor het huishouden en voor die twee. Koken: let erop dat je altijd iets op tafel zet dat ze lekker vinden. Als de een dol is op spruiten en de ander niet, zet je én spruiten én iets anders op tafel. Schoonmaken doe je ook zelf, want zodra ze thuiskomen van hun werk moeten ze zich kunnen ontspannen. En dat is gunstig, want ontspannen mannen functioneren goed in bed. Dat is ook zoiets, het bed! Dat deel je, je koopt een kingsize bed en gaat tussen hen in liggen. Als de een seks wil moet de ander wachten tot hij aan de beurt is. Het beste is dat je het om en om doet. Dus, vandaag met Jan en morgen met Piet.

Als je een tuin hebt doe je dat ook zo, de ene week maait Piet het gras, de andere week Jan.

Wat je nooit moet doen is: ze tegen elkaar uitspelen. Als Piet ergens geen zin in heeft nooit zeggen ‘ik vraag het wel aan Jan.’ Gewoon zeggen ‘ik doe het zelf wel’ en dan een potje gaan zitten janken, helpt altijd.

 

Anders is het als een man met twee vrouwen gaat samenwonen. Dat vraagt om problemen.

Om te beginnen moet hij twee grote kleerkasten kopen en dat niet alleen, ook twee wastafels hebben, want ze willen wel hun eigen dingetje kunnen doen, wenkbrauwen epileren, opmaken en, gegarandeerd ook op het zelfde tijdstip. Maar stel dat je erover nadenkt om het toch te doen, let goed op. Het beste is dat ze alle twee even dik of dun zijn, neem nooit een dikke en een dunne. Dat werkt niet, want vrouwen zijn heel vaak erg jaloers. Verder moeten ze alle twee dezelfde cupmaat in de bh hebben, niet een pakken met cupmaat AA en een met Dubbel D, dat gaat onherroepelijk fout.

Wat het huishouden betreft is dat wel weer makkelijk, daar heb je dan geen omkijken meer naar. Koken kunnen ze ook samen, dat gaat prima, terwijl de een de aardappelen schilt, maakt de ander de bloemkool schoon.  In bed werkt het hetzelfde als met twee mannen. Je  slaapt tussen hen in. Met de seks is dat wel weer anders, als Annie ongesteld is, moet je begripvol zijn en niet zeggen. ‘Ik neuk de eerste vijf dagen wel met Truus.’ Nee, dat kan je niet maken. Dan moet je zeggen. ‘Ik wacht wel vijf dagen.’

Geld is altijd heel belangrijk voor vrouwen. Dat kunnen ze altijd gebruiken, want vrouwen zijn dol op winkelen. Dus zorg ervoor dat je daar genoeg van hebt. Wat je ook moet doen, is oordopjes kopen en inzetten als ze samen beginnen te kakelen. Roddelen doen vrouwen graag, ook over jou, met name als je er niet bij bent. Zeuren kunnen ze ook heel goed, het gras maaien weer niet. Dat mag je zelf doen. Klussen in huis ook, net zoals boodschappen doen.

En dan heb ik het nog niet over kinderen krijgen. Want als er een ‘per ongeluk’ zwanger raakt wil de ander dat natuurlijk ook worden, en dan heb je voordat je het weet een heel stel blagen. Die  moeten verzorgd  worden. Luiers verwisselen, flesje geven, en ’s nachts je bed uit als ze liggen te brullen, dat mag jij doen, want moeders heeft rust nodig.

Nee, twee vrouwen  is dus echt niks. Ik denk dat twee mannen leuker is, ook makkelijker en gezelliger, toch?

 

Marian.

 

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129 antwoorden op “TWEE.”

  1. Wat een fantastisch idee, ben gelijk op zoek naar een tweede man. Niet voor de seks hoor maar heerlijke massage en verwend worden. Dan nog genoeg geld hebben om te winkelen enz. Maar alle gekheid, Brrrrrr moet er niet aan denken zeg (2 mannen, een is al zo moeilijk soms).

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