Als je niet van vieze woorden houdt hoef je niet verder te lezen, want er komen wel wat. Dus…je bent gewaarschuwd.
Als mensen boos zijn is dat het eerste dat ze doen: schelden. Bijna iedereen doet het, de een scheldt op de postbode omdat hij voor de zoveelste keer de post fout heeft bezorgd. De ander op de buurman omdat hij zijn hond bij jou voor de deur heeft laten schijten. Weer anderen schelden op de caissière omdat ze niet goed heeft opgelet, of op hun favoriete sportclub omdat ze slecht spelen. Schelden op jezelf doe je nooit. Dat heet mopperen.
Als je de bonte was op een te hoge temperatuur hebt laten draaien en alles naar de knoppen is, dan mopper je op jezelf. Ook, als je net terug bent van de supermarkt en tot de ontdekking komt dat je vergeten bent aardappelen te kopen. ‘Moest ik helemaal terug lopen, ik ben toch een sufferd,’ zeg je dan.
Schelden als je ruzie hebt is anders.
De meest voorkomende ruzie is, die tussen man en vrouw. Zodra zij kwaad zijn op elkaar en beginnen te schelden zijn het hoofdzakelijk geslachtsdelen waarmee wordt gegooid.
Hij is een lul, een klootzak, een zakkenwasser, een kloothommel, of een droplul. Voor soeplul zal ze hem zelden uitschelden, soeplullen zijn doorgaans van die halfzachte types.
Kutvent kan ook. Maar dan gooi je als vrouw met je eigen geslachtsdelen. En dat doen we dus ook. Alles waar we ons over ergeren is kut. Driewerf kut. Als een man kwaad is op zijn vrouw is ze bijna altijd een kutwijf, een sufkut kan ook, maar dat is ze alleen als ze een domme blonde opmerking maakt. Als vrouw zijnde wordt je nooit voor lul uitgescholden. Raar eigenlijk nu ik erover nadenk. Wat ook veel mensen zeggen als ze zich ergeren is “Je kan dikke tieten krijgen.” Slaat in feite nergens op, vrouwen die bijna niks op de plank hebben dromen van dikke tieten! Dus?
Andere typisch scheldwoord die mannen vaak gebruiken als ze kwaad zijn op hun vrouw is: Takkenwijf, Bitch, Kenau, Teef of gewoon kreng.
Waar mensen ook veel mee gooien is ziektes. Vooral als ze écht kwaad zijn, hoe kwader hoe erger de ziekte.
Hier een paar op een rij die je allemaal ‘mag’ krijgen. Cholera, Tyfus, de Vinketering en kanker. Dat is een veel voorkomend scheldwoord. Ik denk dat die met stip op 1 staat. Kankervent, kankerzooi, kankergezwel, kankerkurwijf, kankerkutzooi en gewoon kankerlijder.
Het kan ook anders en dan bedoel ik niet gewoon Godverdomme, maar woorden die iets netter zijn, en met “Pot” beginnen. Potverdomme, potjandorie, potverdikkeme, potverdriedubbltejes, (kwartjes en centen) kwam er dan meestal als grapje achteraan.
Verder heb je nog: Bloedpoeper, lamzak, oelewapper, hork, bullebak, zeikerd, zak tabak , en muts. Dat zijn standaard scheldwoorden die we gebruiken om “iemand” te omschrijven.
Maar er zijn ook mensen die nooit schelden, zelf niet als ze vreselijk kwaad zijn. Die blijven onder alle omstandigheden kalm.
Pas geleden ontmoette ik zo iemand. Ze weet dat ik behoorlijk grof in de mond ben, ik vloek inderdaad als een bouwvakker. De meeste mensen in mijn omgeving weten dat en vinden het intussen doodnormaal. Maar goed, de kennis in kwestie gebruikte een woord waarvan ik bijna vergeten was dat het nog bestaat: Sapperloot!
Ik was er helemaal stil van!
P.S. Als je op zoek bent naar nieuwe scheldwoorden kan je ze vinden op internet. Ze staan op alfabetische volgorde aangegeven. Dus dan weet je dat.
Marian
Die kennis ken ik ook. “Krijg nou de hik!” hoorde ik nog niet zo lang geleden.
Nette scheldwoorden hebben hetzelfde resultaat en zijn minder milieuonvriendelijk…..
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