Vrijdag 31 Juli.

Ruud heeft gebeld en ik was helemaal blij, zeker omdat ik zo lang niks van hem gehoord had. Afgelopen dinsdag  was ik nog wezen poetsen, maar dat was het dan ook. Hij belde woensdagavond. Ik zat net tv te kijken toen mijn mobiel overging. Ik zag het meteen, ook dat Wim naar me keek. Hij zei niks en vroeg niks. Ik pakte de telefoon op en zei: ‘Voor het geval je het weten wilt, het is mijn baas, ik loop even naar buiten.’ Ik keek hem aan en zag aan zijn gezicht dat  hij iets wilde zeggen, maar ik gaf hem geen kans en liep meteen door.

Het eerste dat Ruud  zei was: ‘Sorry dat ik niet eerder gebeld heb, maar ik had het druk op mijn werk. Ik zag ook dat je hier was geweest, mijn huis blinkt weer.’

Ik mompelde iets van: ‘Fijn, dank je wel.’ Mij hart bonkte in mijn keel. Ik wist ook even niet goed wat ik verder zeggen moest, maar dat hoefde niet. Hij was me voor. ‘Wat ik vragen wil, wanneer heb je tijd om langs te komen. Ik wil met je praten.’

‘Oké,’ zei ik, ‘zeg maar wat je in gedachten hebt.’

‘Mij maakt het niet uit, nu of morgenavond, zeg het maar.’

Het liefst was ik meteen naar hem toegegaan, maar ik kon me beheersen. Dus zei ik: ‘Morgen is prima, zeg maar hoe laat.’

‘Als het kan rond een uur of acht, als jou dat uitkomt.’

Nou, en of me dat uitkwam, ik was helemaal blij.  Toen ik terug naar binnen liep zei ik niks tegen Wim. Ik dacht, als hij iets vraagt bedenk ik wel wat, maar hij vroeg niks. Wel keek hij me afwachtend aan. Maar ik deed net alsof er niks aan de hand was en ben op tijd naar bed gegaan. Ik wilde alleen zijn en nadenken over Ruud en wat hij met mij wilde bespreken

 

Hij zat op de bank toen ik binnenkwam, maar stond meteen op en liep naar me toe. ‘Leuk dat je er bent,’ begroette hij me en sloeg heel even een arm om me heen.’ Hij wees naar de bank en vroeg of ik iets wilde drinken. Ik schudde mijn hoofd: ‘Straks, nu nog niet.’ Ik ging op het puntje van de bank zitten en keek hem gespannen aan. Hij lachte lief en kwam naast me zitten. ‘Spijt?’ vroeg hij.

Ik schudde mijn hoofd. ‘Nee, ik vond het fijn,’ zei ik. ‘Waarom wil je dat weten?’

‘Omdat je getrouwd bent, dat zou goed kunnen.’

‘Ik weet het, maar ik voel me ook niet schuldig. Mijn huwelijk is niet zo denderend, maar dat heb ik je al gezegd.’

Hij zweeg even en staarde voor zich uit. Pas toen ik me begon af te vragen wat hij van plan was draaide hij zich naar me toe en zei: ‘Kijk het is zo, ik wil geen vaste relatie, jij dus ook niet, want je bent getrouwd. Ik weet niet hoe jij erover denkt, maar ik zou het fijn vinden als we zo verder kunnen gaan. Geen verplichtingen, geen gedoe, gewoon enkel seks, meer niet.’

Hij keek me afwachtend aan: ‘Ik overval je hier misschien mee, maar als jij er anders over denkt moet je het zeggen.’

Ik dacht even na, maar heel even en keek naar hem zoals hij daar zat: om op te vreten.

Mijn hart bonkte in mijn keel. Het liefst had ik gezegd dat ik verliefd op hem ben, maar dat leek me niet verstandig. Hij is dat dus duidelijk niet.

Ik deed alsof ik even wilde nadenken en vroeg: ‘Dus we gaan enkel een seksrelatie met elkaar aan, niet meer, of zie ik dat verkeerd?’

‘Nee, dat zie je goed, dat is wat ik graag zou willen.’ Hij  schoof dichterbij: ‘Ik vind jou een heerlijk wijf.’

Ja, toen was ik verkocht! Ik weet het, het is niet verstandig, zeker omdat ik gek op hem ben en hij niet. Maar, de seks met hem is heerlijk. We zijn die avond ook nog naar boven gegaan en het was geweldig.

Hoe het nu allemaal verder gaat weet ik niet. We hebben goede afspraken gemaakt. Als hij mij wilt zien belt hij en als ik wil bel ik.

Hoe ik dat hier thuis moet gaan oplossen weet ik niet. Nog niet.

 

 

 

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303 antwoorden op “Vrijdag 31 Juli.”

  1. Hoezo, als Wim er achter komt? (tiny Says)
    Het geluk moet je zoeken, en als je het gevonden hebt moet je er helemaal voor gaan. Anders loopt het geluk weer weg. Ruud wil dus een serieuze LAT relatie, en daar hoort Wim niet bij…

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